007 in The Worldly Troubles!
I have recently watched some of the James Bond movies, and so as a writer I decided to have a go at writing my own James Bond short story. And here it is…
007 was on his latest mission, staying at the Barracuda casino. You see, her majesty’s secret service had caught wind of the MP, a Mr. Boris Johnson, using his own spies to secretly meet with the spies of the president of the USA, without telling anyone else in Britain about it; highly suspicious! The spy Bond was told to watch a supposed journalist by the name of Cyril Mongo (or to his fellow spies: DM2). James Bond was sitting at table 42, surveying the room whilst talking to another guest called Kenda Mallory. Suddenly one of Bond’s cufflinks flashes blue. “Excuse me Miss Mallory, I’ll be back in a minute,” says James and heads to the toilet, leaving an amused Kenda Mallory staring after him. He goes into a cubicle and presses his cufflink. “Hallo? This is Bond speaking,” he says into it. “Oh hello Mr. Bond, this Cyril Mongo; I’ve heard you’re an ace better so how about an interview for my newspaper the Daily Chronicle? There will be a price, of course,” says the cufflink speaker. “Naturally,” says 007. “How about we say 60 pounds for the whole hour?” “You’re a genius businessman Mr. Bond, anybody to cross you would have to be tough.” “They sure would. Thank you, Mongo. Bond, over and out.” He says and with that he presses the cufflink and the call stops.
As James Bond comes out of the men’s toilets, Kenda Mallory steps back from the door. “So, you’ve got an interview?” she asks. “Yes, you would know wouldn’t you?” “A troublemaker knows everything,” she replies sharply and her eyes grey glisten menacingly. “Well, how about A Troublemaker comes to her senses and doesn’t go about making trouble?” says Bond and presses her against the wall; their heads are center meters apart. “I know your tricks James Bond, don’t think I’ll fall for them,” Kenda hisses, trying to stare him out. It doesn’t work and she snarls. “Oh, I never thought you’d fall them, you’re far too clever for that Kenda,” Bond retorts, he now has his head touching hers. “Let go of me, Mr. Bond!” Kenda says with force in her voice and 007 takes his arms of hers. She stalks away from him and he looks on after her, an intrigued smile on his face.
A bit later James Bond goes over to the registration desk. “What room is Kenda Mallory staying at?” he asks the woman behind. “There is no Kenda Mallory staying here, there’s a Kenda Mongo at room number 128 though,” she tells Bond, looking at him through silver glasses. “Oh, right. Thank you,” he says and went off thinking. At 6:45pm, 007 turns up at room 128 with a bouquet of flowers, and he knocks at the door. Kenda opens the door and stares at James. “Come in,” she says crisply and Bond follows her into the apartment. “What’s the occasion?” she quirks, looking at the flowers. “I have a proposal for you,” 007 tells her. “I have no interest in marriage Mr. Bond,” she says quickly. “Oh don’t worry, that wasn’t my proposal,” James Bond assures her.
Kenda sits down on her bed and pats the space next to her. James sits down next to her tries to look her in the eye. She looks away, trying desperately to remain strong and unaffected. “Why are you interested in me?” she asks him softly. “You’re a very interesting woman Miss Mongo,” Bond replies and Kenda whimpers. “I didn’t want to lie to you, James, I really didn’t. I just wanted to forget about Cyril and his crimes, that’s why I said my name was Mallory not Mongo,” she says, crying. “Oh Kenda,” James says and pulls her down onto the bed, where they kiss passionately, hugging each other tightly. Between kisses Kenda says “I just wish that Cyril had never been part of that plot to send out loads of plagues and crime committers to wreck havoc so that all the people appeal to the world leader and beg for help so that they can blackmail dozens of them. I mean, I do want Cyril to be well off, but not like this.” Kenda is gulping back sobs. James Bond is thoughtful.
“Well maybe I can help,” he tells her softly. “Oh really James? How can you possibly help?!” Kenda asks drowned in sorrow. “Well, I am talking to him tomorrow,” 007 points out. “I’ll see what I can do.” Kenda smiles through her tears. “Can you? Can you really?” Kenda asks, hopeful now. “Of course Kenda,” James Bond assures her, and kisses her some more.
***
The next day James Bond leaves the hotel and drives to the address he has been given as the home of Cyril Mongo. He turns into a gravel driveway and parks his car. He gets out and looks up at the house and sees a tasteful pale yellow house with a fine garage and a lilac door that has the number 89 in gold brass on it. Bond goes up to the smart and proper-looking door and presses the bell. He waits a few seconds and then a young lady wearing a turquoise dress and shiny black shoes opens the door. “You must be Mr. Bond,” she says in a Spanish accent. “Cyril is expecting you. Please come this way,” and she leads 007 into an exquisite drawing room.
“Ah, Mr. Bond you are here at last,” says a dark-haired, man with the same accent as the young woman and a moustache. And Bond recognizes the voice to be the voice of Cyril Mongo. “Mongo,” says James Bond as he shakes the spy-journalist’s hand. “How nice to be able to meet you in person at last.” “Yes, well I do hope you are comfortable Mr. Bond as we will now begin the interview.” “I just want to know a few things first DM2,” says Bond, with determination in his voice. “Fire away, 007,” Cyril Mongo snarls back. “How exactly are you going to manage to stage as much crime as possible without the police and government stopping you and finding out that you did it?” James Bond asks Cyril. “Good question. Only, I thought I was meant to be asking the questions,” Cyril quirks. “Anyway, I never said anyone was going to be there to witness these crimes, did I?”
Bond is intrigued. “So how are you going to manage that? Surely even someone such as yourself can’t possibly manage to kill every single person in the entire world?” He asks DM2. “Well of course I cannot do that 007. But what if, how do I say this? Everyone was asleep for a little while. Not long, let’s say 50 years or so, and that we would give us plenty of time, would it not?” DM2 replies, and cackles slightly. “And pray tell me how you are going to manage that Mongo?” Bond asks him. “Why James, it would simply be an overdose of anesthetic. We deliver 200 kg to each hospital without them noticing and then we dress-up as hospital workers and inject everyone there with the overdose claiming it to be a new vaccine,” Cyril tells him.
As Cyril Mongo is saying all this, James Bond reaches for his gun, hidden in his trouser pocket. He draws it up and says “Mongo, I’m afraid the game is up.” “The game’s up, alright. It’s up indeed,” Cyril retorts as he also draws a gun and points it and Bond. And as they are circling each other round and round, the young woman comes back to the open door and she too is holding a revolver. Just then, 007 makes an epic darting movement towards the young woman, struggling with her. And he throws her into a side room and locks the door with a ‘bang!’. He then shoots Cyril Mongo and DM2 falls to the slumping, and cursing in Spanish. Just as he dies, his sister Kenda comes out of a cupboard where she was hiding with a gun and points it at James Bond screaming “You said you’d talk to him not kill him! Now you will pay the price for this!”
And shoots at him, he ducks and backs out into the hallway, shooting back at her. He accidently manages to hit her chest with one of her bullets and in her dying moments she takes aim and shoots. As the world turns black around him, James is only happy to have completed his mission before he died.
James Bond came round to find himself lying in a fresh white hospital bed, a heavy bandage around his left arm and shoulder. M, Q, Miss Moneypenny, and even Felix we sitting next to his bed, and they all exclaimed at once. “Oh James!” Felix and Miss Moneypenny cried in relief. “My goodness 007, you gave us all a real scare,” Q and M informed James Bond. “Well, I also was tough, not even the plan of some Worldly Troubles could stop me, eh?” 007 replied smoothly. And then Miss Moneypenny threw her arms around him, and kissed him, and kissed him.
The End!
